Today is the first day of March, and although it may not feel like it, Spring is definitely on the way.
I can’t say that January and February have been great for me. The beginning of 2017 definitely hasn’t been the best start to the year. Don’t get me wrong, nothing bad has happened. I’ve had some good times over the last couple of months: My mam came to visit from England, the kids both celebrated their birthdays and I had my first night out for ages. Coupled with lots of nice evening spent watching movies with the kids and binge watching tv boxsets with my husband in front of the fire, and you’d think things were pretty good. The reality is, I’ve not been in the best place mentally. I’ve been dealing with my anxiety, trying to power on through medication changes, subsequent weight gain and a severe lack of motivation as a result.
The last few days I feel like I’ve turned a corner though. My newest medication seems to be working. I feel less anxious now than I have done in ages; It’s not gone away (and maybe it never will) but I feel like it’s at a manageable level most days, and I’m ready to get back on track.
But things are a bit of a mess. My house is a mess, my mind is a mess, and I need to spring clean. I’ll explain…
My anxiety leaves me feeling all over the place, unable to concentrate. I’ve always been quite unorganised but when my anxiety levels are high, my ability to organise goes completely out of the window. These last few months, not just in 2017 but in 2016 too, I’ve been all over the place. Forgetting to pack things in the kids bags, forgetting to set my alarm, losing things. Total nightmare. I don’t think it’s been helped by the fact that I’ve let the house get a bit untidy. You know, if my house was today and organised, I’d maybe notice the snack bags sitting on the kitchen table before school. But when the table is covered in piles of washing and things I’m working on and other things that are just ‘resting’ there until I can find them a new home, it’s easy to see why I miss that I’ve left the school snacks in amongst it. Then the anxiety jumps in, and I tell myself how useless I am, that I’m an awful parent because I’ve forgotten something, or that I’m ruining my childrens’ lives because I have a messy kitchen table.
So, as it is a new month, and basically a new season, I’m getting ready for a change. I’m going to start decluttering, cleansing the house of unneeded shite. I’ve drawn up check lists of what needs done around the house on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. I’m going to organise my desk so I have somewhere to work that isn’t chaotic. I’m going to clear the bedroom so I have somewhere relaxing to lay my head at night. I wouldn’t say I’m going ‘minimalist’ but I’m definitely simplifying things around the house.
I’m hoping in turn this will help my free some of the clutter in my mind. Of course, organising my house is not going to cure my anxiety, I know that. But it can’t hurt to have a calmer, more relaxing house, can it?