Word of the week – Anxious

My word of the week this week is…

A brown envelope dropped through our letterbox this week. It was addressed to the parents of Neil, and I knew instantly what it was. It is the letter we have been waiting for.

The letter containing the time and date of Neil’s autism assessment. The appointment we have been waiting a whole year for, and it is finally here. Now shit gets real.

The appointment is for 3 weeks time. Just long enough for my brain to go in to overdrive. I hate waiting for things, because I start over thinking. I would rather receive a letter telling me to bring him in tomorrow, then it would be over and done with and I wouldn’t have to torture myself with anxieties.

There are so many things going through my head. What if they don’t see what we see, what if they think we are making it all up, what if we’ve got it all wrong? I don’t know how me, my hubby, Neil’s teacher, the pead and everyone else could all have got it wrong, but this is the kind of thing going through my head.

I’m anxious about the day itself, is it going to be stressful for him, what do we tell him, how do we prepare him? It takes place on a Wednesday, so he’s going to find it odd that he’s not going to school, it’s going to throw him off for the rest of the day. At his first appointment with the Paediatrician, it was easy to see how uncomfortable he was, how much he wanted to leave, and that is upsetting.

I think the main thing that I’m anxious about is that we won’t get the diagnosis we are expecting, and then what happens? If they see traits of autism, but not enough to give a diagnosis, what do we do then? Will we still get support?

I have a feeling I’m going to be on edge for the next few weeks. I can’t answer any of these worries, I can’t convince myself to chill out, I just want to get the assessment done. The diagnosis will not change anything, but I just think it will be a weight off the shoulders, a weight that has been sitting there since the first doctors appointment one year ago.

The Reading Residence
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  • Reply pinkoddy May 22, 2014 at 11:20 pm

    I completely understand and hope it all goes well for you. All I can do is reassure you that my son they decided wasn't autistic but is still being fully supported (we think he will get an asd diagnosis when he's older).

  • Reply Karen Bell May 23, 2014 at 7:16 am

    That is really difficult, of course you will worry, try not to be too hard on yourself. All I could say is try to be as honest as you can and I'm sure what is meant to be will be.
    I really hope it works out for you and you get some support. x

  • Reply 3 Princesses and 1 Dude May 23, 2014 at 9:23 am

    Hope that you get the outcome you want and the support is there for him, I know its easy to say as an outsider but, try not to worry. All the best Becky xx #WoTW

  • Reply The Reading Residence May 23, 2014 at 10:01 am

    I hate waiting for things, too, especially things as important as this. I hope this time flies by and the day itself goes well for Neil x Thanks for sharing with #WotW

  • Reply Johanne Winwood May 23, 2014 at 10:12 am

    I know how you feel, I over think things too. A technique I was taught at counselling was to schedule Worry Time into your day – give yourself a set time (10 minutes, 30 minutes, even an hour) and worry during this time and this only. You can worry about anything and worry as hard as you like but you can't let the worry 'leak out' into the rest of your day. It feels odd when you do it first but it was helpful for me – I found it helped to write down some of my worries, puts things in perspective. Hope that helps. xxJo

  • Reply Kirsty Phillipson-Lowe May 23, 2014 at 11:31 am

    I hope everything goes well and that you get the answers that you need. It is awful waiting and I hope it goes quickly for you x #WotW

  • Reply Anne Stone May 23, 2014 at 12:05 pm

    it is a worrying time but remember whatever the outcome it can only be benificial in the right help for your son. My son was 12 years old when I took him for his assessment and I didn't really have to say anything apart from a little of his history. My daughter was six when she had hers and again they mostly observed her and made their decision on her behavours. Both have had lots of help since diagnosis. Try not to worry about it too much, they fully understand how stressful it can be and I bet Neil will cope fine. #WOTW

  • Reply andthenthefunbegan May 23, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    I can see that a three week wait must be a bit stressful But at least you've got an appointment and the health professionals are taking it all seriously – things can only get better one way or the other. X #WotW

  • Reply pixiedusk May 23, 2014 at 6:58 pm

    I hope that you will get this done & over with fast enough. #WOTW

  • Reply Kim Carberry May 23, 2014 at 7:14 pm

    What a worrying time…..I hope all goes well for you x

  • Reply Kathryn Grant May 24, 2014 at 10:58 pm

    Best of luck for Neil and his assessment – am sure no matter what the diagnosis, the right help and support will be out there somewhere… Seems to be lots of helpful bloggers with experience of this, so you're not alone… Best wishes, try not to worry yourself into knots (easier said than done!)
    Bumps & Grind x

  • Reply tracey bowden May 26, 2014 at 11:39 am

    I really feel for you, I was the same whilst waiting for my daughters ophthalmologist appointment after finding she had no sight in one eye. I hope everything goes well and you manage not to worry too much #WotW

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