Anxiety & Mental Health, The Anxiety Diaries

The Anxiety Diaries – Even Angels Fall

When I started ‘The Anxiety Diaries’ my hope was to share experiences of anxiety. Not just my own, but those of others too. So Today I would like to welcome my first guest poster to the series, Emma from Even Angels Fall. Here Emma tells us her story about how anxiety effects her.

Take it away Emma:

“I’ve been living with mental illness for over half my life now and although I don’t think I’ll ever be ‘cured’ from depression, I feel I now at least know the signs to recognise and can cope a little better than before.

I’ve been on antidepressants on two occasions, the second time I felt they were really helping but when I fell pregnant with my youngest son Benjamin I weaned myself off of them. Since his birth 8 weeks ago I feel more in control than I have before with my illness, and, although I do still have very low points, I haven’t felt the need to go back on tablets or to see my doctor.
Having had this illness for some time I know to seek help if things get bad, and I’m lucky enough to have a strong support group around me in my friends and family.

Depression and anxiety tend to go hand in hand. My anxiety has always kind of hidden behind depression for me, something I kind of know I have but have never really acknowledged.

I worry excessively, about anything and everything. I worry about things that have yet to happen, things that have already happened. I even find myself worrying about worrying. I worry about money, I worry about the children and about my health and their health. I worry I’m not spending enough quality time with them and when I was working I would be worrying that I wasn’t working hard enough or long enough hours.

I’m indecisive due to these worries, to the point that I will stand in shops for way too long trying to make a simple decision. I think through hundreds of possibilities every time I need to decide anything and beat myself up inside my head if I make the ‘wrong’ decision. If I decide to go one way home and get stuck in traffic I’ll berate myself for making the wrong choice. If I buy something and then find I could have got it cheaper elsewhere I’ll feel like it’s the end of the world.

I often cry over things that really aren’t worth crying over. This anxiety affects my every day life just as much as my depression, and yet I’ve never spoken to anyone about it. It silently takes over and stops me from enjoying my life. Lately I’ve realised that I need to get help, as I would for my depression, in order to take back control of my life.”

Emma’s story really resonates with me. In parts I could have almost written it myself. I’m terrible at making decisions and hate going shopping on my own for that reason, I can spend so long in the supermarket worrying about getting the wrong things, so I totally get that! Thank you for sharing your story Emma.

If you would like to read more from Emma, you can find her here: Blog / Twitter / Facebook / Instagram

Does this post resonate with you in anyway?

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10 Comments

  • Reply Myra January 6, 2017 at 10:30 pm

    Just change the names and you could be writing about my daughter. Thank you for writing these articles. They help me understand her (and she has had it for about 30+ years). Try as I might, I just cannot fully understand. But, I am her “safety net” and I “stand in the wings” waiting to take over, if needed. Keep on writing. We need to understand so we can be there to help.
    Myra, from Winnipeg, Canada.

  • Reply RachelSwirl January 9, 2017 at 12:19 pm

    This post really struck me as I worry about everything and also suffer with anxiety and depression. I am glad that people are writing about this as it’s a difficult subject x
    RachelSwirl recently posted…#MySundayPhoto – Sandy SilhouettesMy Profile

  • Reply Rhian January 10, 2017 at 12:26 pm

    It’s so good that you’re doing these articles and people suffering know that they aren’t alone. I’ve suffered from anxiety before and hated the person it made me, I’ve been lucky to be able to almost completely move on but for others it isn’t as easy. x
    Rhian recently posted…Why Having A January Birthday Can SuckMy Profile

  • Reply Talya January 10, 2017 at 12:56 pm

    I think it’s so great to have people speak so candidly on this topic as often anxiety gets swept under the carpet yet so many of us live with it and more conversations like this need to be had around it.
    Talya recently posted…So whose responsibility is childhood obesity?My Profile

  • Reply Lyndsey O'Halloran January 10, 2017 at 5:37 pm

    Writing about your experiences and helping others at the same time is an amazing thing

  • Reply Lisa Backsnbumps January 10, 2017 at 5:39 pm

    Emma your story resonates so much with me. After I had Darcey at the beginning on 2016 I was fine until she was about 10 weeks old and started to feel really anxious. I still worry about absolutely everything now but I’m trying not to let it take over my life. Take it easy and enjoy Benjamin, don’t put any pressure on yourself xx
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  • Reply Anosa January 11, 2017 at 12:37 am

    Really great post, reading that I felt like you were talking about my life. Depression is such an awfu thing to live with but learning to control it and know when you need the help makes it so much more manageable.

  • Reply Jenni - Odd Socks and Lollipops January 11, 2017 at 11:01 am

    This post really resonates with me, since I was 16 (for nearly half my life) I have struggled with anxiety and depression – at times it really feels all consuming and I worry about the most ridiculous things (only they don’t seem so ridiculous at the time). I have actually found, very recently, that a certain mindfulness technique really helps calm me down (which was a fab discovery as I initially tried it to help with my chronic pain issues)

  • Reply Emma January 11, 2017 at 12:54 pm

    This is such a brave post, I suffered with Anxiety and PND after my first baby and so went to see a Person Centred Counsellor. It literally changed my life, the PND faded over time, but the anxiety took a bit of work. Meditation and yoga really worked for me and I’m now looking at studying Person Centred Counselling at university. Mental illness is such an awful thing to live with, so I really hope you find something that works for you.
    Emma recently posted…Travel Plans for 2017 – Northern European Road TripMy Profile

  • Reply Chloe Ciliberto January 13, 2017 at 12:40 am

    My heart really goes out to you. I have had Anxiety for most of my adult life. Sometimes to crippling effects. I wrote a post recently, 7 Natural Ways To Manage Anxiety ( http://www.lifeunexpected.co.uk/7-natural-ways-manage-anxiety/), you might find something there that helps. I love this series. It’s really opening up to all of us and everyone else that none of us are alone in this. It’s such a horrible thing to live with and can be so hard to make it disperse. x

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