When I started ‘The Anxiety Diaries’ my hope was to share experiences of anxiety. Not just my own, but those of others too. So Today I would like to welcome my first guest poster to the series, Emma from Even Angels Fall. Here Emma tells us her story about how anxiety effects her.
Take it away Emma:
“I’ve been living with mental illness for over half my life now and although I don’t think I’ll ever be ‘cured’ from depression, I feel I now at least know the signs to recognise and can cope a little better than before.
I’ve been on antidepressants on two occasions, the second time I felt they were really helping but when I fell pregnant with my youngest son Benjamin I weaned myself off of them. Since his birth 8 weeks ago I feel more in control than I have before with my illness, and, although I do still have very low points, I haven’t felt the need to go back on tablets or to see my doctor.
Having had this illness for some time I know to seek help if things get bad, and I’m lucky enough to have a strong support group around me in my friends and family.
Depression and anxiety tend to go hand in hand. My anxiety has always kind of hidden behind depression for me, something I kind of know I have but have never really acknowledged.
I worry excessively, about anything and everything. I worry about things that have yet to happen, things that have already happened. I even find myself worrying about worrying. I worry about money, I worry about the children and about my health and their health. I worry I’m not spending enough quality time with them and when I was working I would be worrying that I wasn’t working hard enough or long enough hours.
I’m indecisive due to these worries, to the point that I will stand in shops for way too long trying to make a simple decision. I think through hundreds of possibilities every time I need to decide anything and beat myself up inside my head if I make the ‘wrong’ decision. If I decide to go one way home and get stuck in traffic I’ll berate myself for making the wrong choice. If I buy something and then find I could have got it cheaper elsewhere I’ll feel like it’s the end of the world.
I often cry over things that really aren’t worth crying over. This anxiety affects my every day life just as much as my depression, and yet I’ve never spoken to anyone about it. It silently takes over and stops me from enjoying my life. Lately I’ve realised that I need to get help, as I would for my depression, in order to take back control of my life.”
Emma’s story really resonates with me. In parts I could have almost written it myself. I’m terrible at making decisions and hate going shopping on my own for that reason, I can spend so long in the supermarket worrying about getting the wrong things, so I totally get that! Thank you for sharing your story Emma.
Does this post resonate with you in anyway?