I’ve been holding back on my blog a lot recently. My head is constantly filled with thoughts, but none of them have made it through my finger tips and on to the page. But something has to give. I can’t continue like this, hiding the way I am.
I started this blog to document the life of our family, and I’ve done that regularly for the last three years. But there is a part of our family life that I’ve kept quiet during that time. It’s as much a part of our family life as all of the fin stuff I blog about, and yet it remains in the background. A story untold.
Now, it’s time to be honest. For the last six years I’ve been struggling with anxiety. It’s not something I’ve been very open about. In fact, I didn’t even tell my husband until earlier this year. For six years I’ve been carrying my own secret, trying to hide it from those around me, from myself even. But Over the course of 2016, the feelings started to spill over until they couldn’t be contained anymore, and I finally admitted I’d been struggling.
It’s been a few months since I finally saw the doctor, but it’s still not something I’ve really spoken about on the blog. A few words here and there, but never going in to any real depth. I’ve been holding back, worried that people wouldn’t want to read about that part of my life, that it was too personal maybe. I’ve been going over it in my head. Thinking about it again and again, because anxiety does that to me. And today I finally decided that I should share this side of me, this side of our family life. Because otherwise, this whole blog becomes a big lie. I want this blog to be a true representation of the way we are as a family, warts and all. Or should I say anxiety and all?
That’s why I’ve decided to start a new blog series, The Anxiety Diaries. It’s going to be a bit of a brain dump, and perhaps no one will read it, but I need to do it for myself. And maybe, just maybe, someone else will read about my journey and feel less alone.